Walking through the past

I spent the last 2 days walking through a neighborhood where I used to live. It's strange and exhilirating to "relive" the past. I walked by my first apartment ~ actually a Victorian turned into 3 apartments. I owned my first computer and started writing my graduate thesis there. At least until the couple upstairs had a baby and she spent her days jumping up & down on the hardwood floors in one of those doorway johnny jump-ups. I thought I would lose my mind! His father owned the building so I couldn't really complain. But I met my boyfriend there, related to the woman upstairs.

So I moved a couple of blocks away to an historic block in a house that was more than 100 years old. It was called a Bell Ringer - a designated historical house. I lived there when the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake hit in the hills right above town. It rolled through Los Gatos damaging every other block. We happened to be a block that was largely undamaged. I lost 1 plate in a kitchen cabinet and a small barbecue pit on the back porch. A brick wall fell on it. Anything brick fell, like chimneys, walls. A block away, houses were shaken apart. Next door to the apartment from where I had moved, the owner had spent years renovating his beautiful huge Victorian. The renovation was almost done. Then the earthquake came and took out much of the house. So heartbreaking. They had to move out, but the insurance provided a means to rebuild it. We were without utilities for several days. After work, the town was filled with people who were trying to drive over the hill to Santa Cruz after work. But due to severe slides, the highway only had one lane open so they had to be escorted a car at a time. And we had significant 5.0-3.0 aftershocks every day for 3 months. I walked those blocks today ~ not a sign of any damage is evident.

It's interesting to walk in a space and to have thoughts filled with small snippets of something that has happened in that place. Oh, that's where the French woman lived, I remember going to a garage sale there, or walking up that path, or picnicking in that park. So & so lived there. I remember before they had kids and realize their kids are in college now. A party here, a dinner there. It feels so real in that moment as if there are some molecules of my experience left in that spot. I don't think anyone else would experience what was once mine. I did have a peculiar thing happen though ~ a young woman walked out of a house and started walking down the street (not on a street where I lived but somewhere I'd been in the past). I immediately was filled with feelings of frustration and annoyance. Our eyes didn't even meet. It was just an overwhelming presence. So maybe we do leave behind experiences and someone else can feel them. I don't know. It's just a thought - LOL!

I did walk past my old boyfriend's house. Looking at it, not feeling attached to my experiences there but wondering about the man. Remembering that at this time on a Sunday what he would normally be doing. Wondering if that's what he was doing. Seeing lights on behind the curtains and wondering if he could see out. I would've been embarrassed if he walked out of the house as I walked by, especially if anyone was with him. How do you explain something like that! Fortunately, no one came out of their houses so I didn't need to confront that. I guess it was the risk taking that was exciting. Or my curiosity. I'm married to someone else, and would never consider knocking on that door or even calling him unless my husband knew beforehand. So I think it was curiosity, walking through my past.

People always say they'd like to go back to such and such with the experience they have now. Sometimes it's ok for experiences to stay back there, and maybe just walk by sometimes and feel them.